For the past number of years, I’ve had my heart set on one goal. Becoming a film journalist/ critic. It was exactly what I wanted to do be able to talk in-depth about the thing I am most passionate about. Nothing brought me more joy than debating movies whether it was with people in person or friends online. It was something I enjoyed doing because while not everyone always agrees it’s good to be able to know other peoples perspective on a film. Through debates and discussions, I’ve come to better understand my own opinions or maybe have realizations about a film that I hadn’t previously. Unfortunately lately I’ve grown to loathe everything I used to be excited about.
Don’t get me wrong I’m still very passionate about film and I’m still excited for big tentpole films like Avengers Infinity War. The key difference is that I have no desire to talk about that excitement like I used to. Part of the fun of seeing a big movie was writing my review or just simply sharing initial thoughts on Facebook. Now I just would rather keep to myself knowing that I enjoyed it. Anytime I see a discussion about a big film like The Last Jedi it is filled with people being just nasty to each other and there’s no discussion. It’s just people with completely opposing opinions that are actually mad that the other side doesn’t agree with them. There no benefit to being a part of a “discussion” like that. There is nothing to be gained.
Please don’t misinterpret what I’m saying. It’s fine for someone to not like a movie, there is no issue with that at all. Just because I love The Last Jedi doesn’t mean that you have to. I would just rather not be told that I am “objectively wrong” for liking it for several reasons. The first being is that there really is little objectivity when it comes to film and secondly because that isn’t the way to have a discussion to present your opinion. I used to look forward to talking about Star Wars but I know now it will just be people shouting for Kathleen Kennedy to be fired or Rian Johnson to be killed just because there was a slight focus on female characters in a movie.
I hesitate to say this because it’s a very fine line where I think this applies but people need to stop taking movies so seriously. Yes be passionate and defend your point of view but don’t do it until you’re actually angry and are just being unbelievably smug. I’m guilty of getting that way myself and I try to desperately change myself when I do because it just isn’t healthy. Discussing movies should be fun and be about making the other person realize they’re wrong. They aren’t wrong they just have a different opinion, one that you aren’t being forced to agree with.
Another aspect of my movie-going life that has made me feel less and less passionate about what I do is having people in person to talk to about film. You’re always warned in high school that the people who you’re friends with now aren’t going to be your friends forever and I understand that but it just hurts like hell when you realize its happening. I’m not as close to the people I used to love spending time with seeing movies with and talking about them. Yeah, its part of growing as a person and you need to let go but it isn’t as easy as you’d like it to be.
Ultimately I don’t know what I want to do right now but it certainly isn’t a film journalist or critic. This is likely just a brief moment of uncertainty that will likely clear up sooner rather than later but I still feel the need to express how I feel because I like writing. If you read this entire post I appreciate you reading my mental break down. I don’t really have a way I want to end this other than to say maybe take a step back and reflect on what you’re going to say. I know I wish I had a few times over the past year.